Retired Together, Oh Joy!

By Joan B. Reid

At last, you have retired. You’re together, alone… every day. A circumstance you looked forward to. A second honeymoon. No longer tethered to employment. You can sleep in, enjoy leisurely meals and snacks. Gaze into each other’s eyes, every morning, afternoon, and evening. Retirement is bliss!

Author, Gail Sheehy said, “When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking.” Does this still hold true a quarter of a century later? I can attest to the cooking part because my husband burns water. If your situation is like mine, you’re likely trying to find your partner’s eyeglasses while they are perched on their head. Or asking the age-old question, “What’s for dinner?”

Retirement is a challenge when there is limited income, signs of physical aging, and all that togetherness. You each had a routine for years, either one or both going to work, or one of you already retired, and now with both retired, your territory becomes cramped.

How does one adjust to this new season? I have observed positive changes for some people, and it may have to do with raised awareness about how to interact. It’s not just having me time, or finding purpose, or who cooks and who does the dishes, but how we engage one another day to day. And there will be plenty of those days.

Following are ways to keep peace and love in retirement

• Practice mutual respect and patience. Be gentle — with each other, and yourself.
• Encourage your partner to pursue interests put aside while working.
• Get dressed in the morning and welcome the new day.
• Schedule a “date night” with candlelight (whether burgers or filet mignon); make it special.
• Reminisce about the good times and plan to make new memories.
• Accept what is — some habits don’t retire.

You’re not the same person, so why should you expect it from your partner? Hearing loss easily leads to misunderstandings and disagreements. Your mate’s slower pace can sour the walks you once enjoyed together. Have patience, whether searching for words or misplaced keys. You made it together this far; you will adjust.

Poet Robert Browning was right; ”Come, grow old with me, the best is yet to be.”

Joan B. Reid is the author of “Joyful Passage: A Woman’s Path to Retirement.”