When a Loved One has Dementia

William Cohen, CSA®

50plus Magazine

 

Was our family much like yours?

We were probably very similar.

Starting around 2003, when my mother Sheila was in her early seventies, we noticed that something was different and disturbingly “not right” about her.

She wasn’t taking care of the house, or herself. She wasn’t keeping up with the finances, and her tax records sat in piles, barely touched. She acted confused and occasionally paranoid. She was stressed trying to care for her second husband, who was on hospice care. She was socially isolated, living a few miles inland in Biloxi’s Back Bay.

Did we notice something was wrong? Certainly.

Did we think it might be some form of dementia? Yes.

Did we discuss it among ourselves? Sure.

Did we all agree what to do… and did mom go along? Not exactly.

But, did we think it was Alzheimer’s? Mom didn’t have any (known) major health problems other than elevated cholesterol. No other family member had Alzheimer’s, so why would we consider it?

We didn’t know what was progressing in her brain until Hurricane Katrina destroyed their home in August 2005. The trauma of losing everything she cherished exacerbated and accelerated her decline.

Soon after that disastrous event, the signs became obvious. Mom increasingly exhibited and suffered from many symptoms of this horrible, terminal disease. These included anxiety, mood swings, an inability to care for herself, and wandering or trying to “escape.” In 2009, she was placed in secure memory care until she passed four years later at 83.

Fortunately, mom had made me durable power of attorney, health care representative (advance directive), executor, and trustee while she was lucid enough to make those vital decisions. This enabled me to make critical decisions for her care.

It doesn’t always go that smoothly, however. Your family’s conversations will need to be done with patience, calm and loving concern. Try to avoid confrontation, words or commands that may upset your loved one or cause them to get defensive or combative.

My clients and support group attendees, as I did as a caregiver, often feel frustrated, impatient, guilty, and that they aren’t doing enough. Rest assured that you are not alone to feel this way and it is OK. By getting support, practicing selfcare, and learning coping methods to manage the care and behaviors of dementia, you will find you are indeed doing the best you can.

To learn more or for a complimentary consultation, contact Bill at https://linktr.ee/CohenSupport