Creating Calm in a Storm
Have you ever left home and suddenly panicked, unsure if you left the stove on or the garage door open? Or perhaps gone down the rabbit hole of worry that your husband is having an affair because he’s been awfully quiet?
Occasionally, anxiety can protect us with common sense reminders, like not crossing the street while texting or not starting a conversation while upset (when you might say something you can’t take back).
Sometimes though, anxiety can escalate from other, less concrete scenarios — like news overload or financial fears. Or perhaps a misstep you have no idea how to make right, or a hurt you can’t get past — yet. Stress happens to us all. Fortunately, there are ways to slow its roll.
The first step is to slow your racing thoughts and consider whether the anxiety might be caused — or magnified — by physical or emotional challenges.
Emotional causes can include finances, relationship upheaval, traumatic life events, or the threat (or occurrence) of a medical issue. Physical causes might include fatigue from poor or lack of sleep, diminished vision or hearing, weakness from poor diet, dehydration, or a mild illness like cold or flu — just to name a few.
Whether caused by these factors or a situational event or crisis, anxiety often presents through uncontrollable worrying, restlessness, irritability, or difficulty concentrating. While it can be easy to get swept into its unkind grip, that grip can be loosened. But how?
Start small
The first step is to self soothe. Emotional upheaval can feel like a battering storm. One way to settle your nerves and emotions and get grounded is the popular 5-4-3-2-1 exercise. How it works: Note 5 things you see, 4 things you can feel (tabletop, clothes, your pet’s fur), 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste.
Exercises for quick relief also include:
- Physical Grounding.Rub your earlobes, clap your hands, or press your feet firmly into the ground, hold something cold or run warm water over your hands.
- Breathing. Sitting on a chair or lying on a bed, place your hands on your belly to feel your breath. Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds, hold for 2 seconds, then exhale through your mouth for 4-6 seconds. Pause slightly before breathing in again.
- Mind Shift. Count backward from 100 by 7, name cities alphabetically, or recite the words to a song or poem.
- Relax the body. Tense and then relax each muscle group from your toes to your head.
- Anchor your thoughts. Say aloud: “I am [Name], I am [Age], I am in [Location], and I am safe.”
- Step Outside. Walk barefoot on grass or sand (called “nature grounding”).
- Soothe. Take a walk, pet an animal, listen to music, hug a pillow.
When feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or “out of your body” (dissociating), these exercises can stop racing thoughts and anchor you by bringing you mindfully into the immediate, safe, present.
While some of this may seem like oversimplifying, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Remember the adage “Keep it Simple”? It’s been around a long time because it works.
Once Grounded
Once you begin to regain a sense of self-control, consider a more vigorous activity. A brisk walk, mowing the lawn, or cleaning a small space — anything that gets the body going. This can help lasso and tame racing thoughts, putting you and not fear, in control.
Address the Problem
Now. . . to the problem. While getting grounded doesn’t make it go away, it does equip you to face it with calm, clarity, and gathered thoughts. The first step:
Break it Down
If the matter can be resolved now, address it when you feel ready. Oftentimes, an issue won’t be settled with a single step, and that’s okay. Awareness that something won’t likely go away with a single step can help you stay grounded and manage the process with realistic expectations.
Most problems become unavoidable only after having been ignored, delayed, or buried. Once it must be faced, consider it objectively: what went wrong, and how to fix it — ie, 1) bring it to a resolution, and 2) ensure little/no chance of it happening again.
For some, journaling or notetaking can help. Grab paper and pen and write your concern at the top. Next, list possible steps toward resolution. Following are possible steps to help with a few common scenarios.
Financial worry. Research senior discounts for phone, utilities, retail stores, restaurants, etc. See if a financial advisor is available through a senior/community center or referral from a friend.
Information (news) overload. Take a break from broadcast and online news. You can stay informed without constant intake. When you do watch/listen, consider the source — misinformation, biased reporting, and scams are rampant. World events can be scary, but things do change. It’s okay to stay in your “bubble” as needed.
Family/Friend Conflict. Try allowing differences to be okay while preserving boundaries. While you may not like or believe another’s views or choices, you can enjoy them — in “doses” that work for you. While we can’t control others, we can control how we engage with them.
We all know problems don’t solve themselves Getting grounded and taking even small steps are the keys to freedom from anxiety. Try it — you’ll love the peace of mind it brings.
One last, important thing: not every outcome will be a “happy ending,” but these tools and practices can help create calm in a storm.
There’s Help
You are not alone. Support groups dealing with everything imaginable are widely available. They are typically free, and offer shared connection, support, and tools for coping.
To find help near you, search online “X (insert your concern) support groups near me.”
Johanna Skouras
50plus Magazine
Johanna Skouras is a psychotherapist and author of the book Standing Up for Yourself/The Art of Self Assertion.