Happy Together: Shared Housing on the Rise

Wet leaves piled high on the home’s front porch hint at the story inside.

 

“Sorry I haven’t had time to rake!” greets a warm, welcoming voice. Time is treasured in this busy, multigenerational home. More important than the leaves, love is piled high inside.

 

Meet Mary Rose (46), her husband Sean Bowie (57), their son Phoenix (15), and Mary’s parents Peter (90), and Alexandra (89).

The three generations have lived together — along with two boarders — for five years. Each tends to their own busy lives while sharing a warm togetherness at home.

 

Multi-Gen living in the US more than doubled between 1971 and 2021, rising from 7% in 2020 to as much as 26% according to some studies. Reasons include the need for elder- and childcare and sharing costs and resources.

 

Mary and Sean bought their three-story NE Portland home in 2018. Two years later, while visiting her parents in Taos, New Mexico, Peter had a stroke. A few months and a big move later, they were all sharing the house in Portland.

 

“My father recovered but this was a life shift for us all — a huge transition,” Mary says. “My parents moved from sunshine to Portland weather! They were used to being their own boss, and now Sean and I take that role.”

 

Besides heading the household, Mary and Sean work full-time. Mary is an actor, dancer, teacher, and director. She and Sean and others co-own Nalu Kava Bar, a non-alcoholic lounge Sean helped build. Mary founded Portland Action Theater, which emphasizes body-based improvisation, and co-teaches action theater classes at PCC with her creative partner Nathaniel Holder.

 

Sean runs a carpentry business and is also an actor, director, playwright, and theater facilitator. Growing up in a musical family, he gave up music for baseball and football. Three years ago, he returned to music, starting a band with Sean singing lead, Phoenix on guitar, and Mary singing backup. “Phoenix has had a string instrument in his hand since age one!”

Mary smiles.

 

Alexandra and Peter participate in weekly physical therapy, twice-weekly senior center visits, a ceramics class, and regular visits from home aides.

 

Alexandra has been an art dealer, baker, painter, and sculptor. Her art decorates the home, and she commissions dog portraits to this day. Born in France and raised in Italy, Alexandra speaks both languages. While living in Taos and New York City, she sold her baked goods, including her special Linzer Tarts, at farmers’ markets.

 

Peter was a college history professor. He also operated a private art gallery in his New York City apartment and was hired by corporations to select paintings to decorate their offices — with Alexandra’s help. They still have a sizable art collection, and Peter slakes his passion for history with books, documentaries, and spirited conversation.

While each family member has unique interests, many dovetail. One shared characteristic is clear: a warm, engaging countenance and a ready smile.

 

“I love every moment living here!” says Alexandra. “It’s absolutely wonderful. I definitely recommend multi-generational living to others. Young children learn to be patient with and to appreciate older people.”

 

Peter adds, “Mary and Sean are so helpful — like taking us to doctor appointments. We couldn’t do it on our own. There’s nothing hard about living here!”

Change is constant. “Alexandra was resistant to having an aide at first, but now loves her,” says Sean. “We are flexible. When Mary teaches at night, I’m on dinner duty. Sometimes Peter takes a nap on the couch or reads — he’s a book hound. Alexandra likes to sew, fold clothes, and work on her art.”

 

Mary adds, “Mom has memory loss and broke her hip two years ago — slowing her down. Cooking and baking were a big part of her life. She does it less now but often offers to help. See the recipe for Alexandra’s famous chicken soup at the end of the story.

 

Phoenix says he’s adjusted well. “It was a lot quieter and not as busy before, but it’s not hard. I do my homework in my room upstairs and I take my grandparents for walks.”

 

Mary is aware of their life’s pros and cons. “Family caregivers don’t have much support in this country. It’s hard to juggle it all. It’s tiring — taking time and effort. I often feel I’m neglecting someone or something. On the other hand, I’ve learned a lot about myself, have become more patient, and have grown. We revisit family memories. There are moments of apologies but there’s growth in that. We’ve all grown together into a rhythm.”

 

A neighbor’s words say it all: “Their snug house is wonderful — happily and comfortably packed with energy and love!”

Alexandra’s Chicken Soup

In a pot of water, place an onion embedded with 5 cloves.

Add a bay leaf, a few peeled carrots, 1 leek, a few stocks

of celery, and parsley — all chopped. Add the wings, neck,

and backbone of the chicken, a few sprigs of thyme, salt,

and pepper. Bring to a boil and cook for 3/4 hour.

Add the broth and rest of the chicken and cook for another 3/4 hour.

 

Candy Puterbaugh

50plus Magazine

 

Candy Puterbaugh is a wife, mother, grandmother, sister, groan-inducing punster, writer, competitive runner, pet lover, and tender of gardens.