Navigating Goodbye: A Grief Survival Guide Part Two: Self-Care During Healing 

 

By Welby O’Brien

 

Taking care of yourself is probably the last thing on your list right now. Caught up in the whirlwind of demands that keep you in constant motion, your heart may be crying out, “How can I survive with this overwhelming grief?”

Remember Rule #1: Do only what is absolutely essential right now.

Rule #2 was When in doubt, wait.

Rule #3: Take care of you.

Today we’ll focus on #3. It’s a tough one! And yet so very important.

Taking a close look at your own needs is necessary for your own health and survival as you walk through this valley of grief. In the long run, it will ultimately be crucial for your healing.

When I was grieving, I felt I still had to take care of all the things I normally do in addition to the many new things that now fell on my shoulders. Unfortunately, it took an emotional and physical collapse for me to realize I had to rearrange my priorities. I wish someone had said to me, “You have permission just to take care of you. Everything else can wait.”

Your job right now is just to survive. Do what you can to handle things that must be done and put the rest on hold.

Personally, I love lists. They help me get organized, prioritize, and get stuff done. (And I can walk away from the list anytime I want.)

Following are a few things that have guided me through grief and other really tough times. Ideally, self-care includes all areas of our life — physical, emotional, social, and spiritual. I encourage you to note things you find helpful, and add more of your own.

Put off major decisions for at least one year.

Face and embrace painful feelings that come uninvited, and find healthy ways to

process them.

 

Talk to someone trustworthy; get support.

Keep your sense of humor.

Carefully choose your sources of input.

Make sleep a priority.

Fill your body with healthy things.

Do some physical activity every day.

Let yourself feel special.

Decide when to take some time off and when to be actively involved.

Let go of what is beyond your control.

Count your blessings.

Nurture your faith.

Let time do its work.

As much as I wish there was a simple shortcut, healing is not a short, straight, or perfect path. Because everyone and their situation is unique, allow yourself to grieve in your own way, in your own time.

You also may need to put some healthy boundaries in place along the way. Remember, it’s not your job to keep people happy right now. Your job is to just survive.

And generously give yourself lots of hugs and compassion as you navigate through all the “first’s” (first Christmas, birthday, anniversaries, etc.)

Put yourself at the top of the list today and tomorrow. As you take care of yourself, you’ll find yourself gradually getting stronger and more able to take on the tasks and challenges ahead.