Pet Mismatch: Thinking of getting a dog? Think about the fit.
“Come on, honey,” Ellen begged her young Golden Retriever, Sana, who was hiding under the bed — again. He’d been with Ellen for months, but wasn’t settling in, wasn’t truly connecting. Ellen found his anxious and even fearful behavior worrisome and irritating.
His name, Sana, means “calm” in Japanese — what lifelong Golden lover and pet parent Ellen expected of the breed. So far, though, “Sana-san” was anything but calm.
Ellen tried everything the first months: toys, treats, time with friends, even antidepressants. Nothing eased Sana’s anxiety.
At 72, Ellen lived alone and was dealing with her fourth go-round with cancer. Friends stepped up to help, and before long Sana was with neighborhood friends several days a week, spending nights with Ellen. The longer this went on, the happier and more at ease Sana became.
Reluctantly, Ellen began considering that she and Sana might not be a fit. She’d initially blamed his history — or perhaps neurological problems — for making him “an oddball.” She told friends, “He doesn’t act like he’s supposed to” and, “He doesn’t entertain me or keep me company.” In response, they asked Ellen to consider whether she was expecting Sana to be something he wasn’t; if it wasn’t her job to love and accept him for who he was.
One day seeing Sana woefully gazing out the window, Ellen accepted what she’d been resisting: Sana was happy when with friends who had dogs and kids and lots of activity. That with them, unlike with her, he behaved “like he was supposed to,” coming when called, snuggling, being happy and affectionate.
She began seeking to rehome him.
Ellen and Sana’s story is common. All breeds are not “wired” the same. Working dogs for example, need a “job.” Absent something to herd, hunt or protect, the owner becomes “the job.” High-energy (and most young) dogs need plenty of exercise, playtime and mental stimulation. When Ellen couldn’t provide that, Sana failed to attach and became lethargic, depressed and anxious. When getting his needs met through time with friends, he was the happy, calm, responsive boy he was meant to be.
Another factor in their mismatch: one day when Sana became ill, Ellen realized she couldn’t lift or carry him without help.
Their story is a lesson for us all. When considering a new pet, please ask yourself:
- Do I have the time/energy to provide plenty of exercise?
- Will my home life provide sufficient mental stimulation?
- Can I lift or carry him or her if needed?
If the answers to the above are yes, will they still be in 10 years?
The goal of sharing this story is not to discourage anyone from getting a companion animal —
at any age. It is to highlight the importance being able to meet the needs of your companion. In addition to the above, this includes providing lifelong quality food, veterinary and any other needed care.
Life with a pet offers countless benefits: bringing life and energy into the home, easing isolation, providing structure to daily routines and even improved health by elevating mood and lowering blood pressure.
Circling back to Ellen and Sana. Ellen did ultimately give Sana the gift of a family with whom he thrived. His days are now filled with kids and dogs at a family-owned vineyard. Ellen says, “Saying goodbye was really sad, but we just weren’t great for each other. Now he’s living a real-life movie!”